As Thanksgiving is soon approaching, I thought of the song “Thank U” by Canadian artist Alanis Morissette, which was written in 1998 after her trip to India. The lyrics can be interpreted to offer a few great life lessons –
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“How ’bout me not blaming you for everything”
When a couple is experiencing marital problems, a spouse is quick to blame his partner for the problems they are experiencing. When I explore with him his role in the conflict, often it is quite difficult to see his part in the relationship problems because he has been focusing on what his partner has been doing wrong. In therapy, I try to move the clients beyond the blame and into responsibility. I challenge each partner to take responsibility to recognize what each can do to improve on the relationship. Changing the unhealthy behaviors and shifting away from blame is the first step in healing a relationship.
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“How ’bout me enjoying the moment for once”
When we take time to truly savor a good moment, it lasts longer and can provide more meaning or prolong the positive vibes. Mindfulness or being in the here and now is very different than dwelling about regrets of the past or focusing on the fears of the future. Being mindful is about taking time to be present to the current situation, with awareness and acceptance of the thoughts and feelings, so you can truly enjoy each moment as it unfolds.
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“How ’bout how good it feels to finally forgive you”
Forgiveness is not about accepting what someone has done to hurt you nor is it about forgetting about it either. Forgiveness is a choice you have, to either move on, or to continue to carry a grudge. Letting go of grudges is good for your health. There has been research that indicates forgiveness as having many positive health benefits. So why continue to hurt yourself when you can be doing something positive for yourself?
These three lessons are great reminders that we are responsible for our own happiness. Thank U, Alanis for bringing these lessons to our attention. And if you care to hear more of her song, there’s still more life lessons to be found!
What’s your thoughts on mindfulness and forgiveness or do you still remember singing along to Alanis back in the 90s?
P.S. When the music video first was released in 1998, there was some controversy to the nudity on the video. Interesting to note now in 2016, this “type of nudity” seems more commonplace and acceptable to mainstream.